All over America, people are scrambling to buy chocolates, teddy bears, jewelry, lingerie, and flowers in preparation for Valentine’s Day. At minimum, lovers are making dinner reservations or buying special groceries to make a romantic meal and scouring the aisles to find the right Hallmark card that perfectly expresses the feelings they have a hard time putting words to. Red, white, pink, and bling have overtaken every Facebook ad, mailer, and store end cap. Love is in the air (as well as lingering perfume tests). Can you feel it?
It’s a wonderful thing to celebrate the person you love, though I don’t think we should have just one day designated to do that each year. But this year, especially as it’s the first year after a global pandemic rocked our world and turned it upside down, I encourage you to focus on a different kind of love. Not erotic, passionate eros love like we celebrate on Valentine’s Day. Not philia love that we have for our friends and equals. Not storge love that we have for our children. Not even agape love that we have for mankind. I encourage you to double down on self-love which means having a strong regard for your own well-being and happiness, something we as women don’t naturally make a priority.
As mothers, daughters, sisters, and friends, we tend to put everything and everyone before ourselves. Have you read Shel Silverstein’s The Giving Tree? Yeah, that’s us. We women tend to give everything of ourselves until there’s nothing left to give and so we run on fumes which in turn, affects our ability to function, mental health, physical health, and overall fulfillment. It’s a problem and one that’s been brought to light with all the articles surfacing about how women stay up super late just to get a little time alone and lose necessary sleep because of it.
You shouldn’t have to lose restorative sleep just to have a little “me time.” Be kinder to yourself and carve out time during the day to do something that re-centers you, refreshes you, and brings you happiness. That may mean having to let something else go, be it your love of scrolling Instagram, cooking dinner for your family every night, saying yes to everyone’s requests of your time, or that fourth extracurricular activity you drive your kid to that he doesn’t even enjoy. Put on your oxygen mask first so you can be around to help everyone else put on theirs.
And by golly, instead of pretending like everything is fine and dandy while inwardly struggling to look like the perfect wife/mom/woman who’s got her shit together, give yourself some grace this season! It’s okay to occasionally stay in pajamas, wear a messy bun, and eat ice cream for breakfast. We’re still in the middle of a global pandemic for goodness sakes! Show yourself the same kindness you’d show your kids if they just had one of the worst days of their lives, where everything went wrong, and the future is questionable at best. Don’t feel guilty for being human and having moments of weakness. Give yourself the self-love you deserve today so you can show up your best tomorrow.
