With summer winding down and kids heading back to school, many of us are settling back into the daily grind of our busy lives and dealing with more and more people. This seemed like a great time revisit my communication style as I’ll be using it a great deal more, with a greater number of people. After all, we’ll be swiftly letting more outsiders into our meticulously-sewn-shut COVID bubbles by way of in-person meetings, events, sports teams, carpools, PTAs, and trunk-or-treats. So, I took one of those communication style tests. It had been a while since I took the last one but as always, I found it interesting and oddly accurate. Spoiler alert – my communication style is Direct with Systematic (anyone who knows me can vouch for this). I don’t use glitter and unicorns to communicate my thoughts. When others do, it drives me INSANE. While praying to the communication gods whoever is talking will get to the point, I usually find myself mentally reviewing my to do list or daydreaming about my next vacation. It’s nothing personal, if you do use glitter and unicorns, we’re just on opposite sides of the communication spectrum.
My super assertive communication style isn’t always to everyone’s liking and sometimes it gets me in trouble. I have found myself on the receiving end of feedback like, “Why can’t you play nice?” and “You have a tone” and “You’re making me feel uncomfortable,” to which I often find myself scratching my head, thinking…
You don’t do what you’re supposed to do. I call you out on it and that makes me not “nice?” Interesting.
You won’t clearly articulate what you want. I sum it up in 10 seconds so we can move on and I “have a tone?” Hmm.
You always know where you stand with me because I’m honest enough to tell you and that makes you “feel uncomfortable?” That sounds like a you problem, not a me problem.
Nevertheless, when my communication style clashes with another person’s communication style, I’ve learned that neither of us win and that really bugs me – more so than glitter and more so than unicorns. And that’s because I like to get shit done. I like solutions. I like results. I like achieving goals. Therefore, I’m on a mission to give up my scorch-the-earth strategy of my younger years and welcome a softer side of me that appreciates more calm and less conflict. I am slowly (make that VERY slowly) learning how to be direct without turning people off. My communication style is a work in progress, possibly a lifelong one, but I’m up to the task.
Here are some tricks I’ve been learning along the way to communicate authentically without creating undue conflict:
- Find the appropriate gap in which to speak
- Think before I speak
- Aim for polite
- Excuse myself when I feel “it” coming on to create space
- Use glitter – but only a sprinkle. No unicorns
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – Viktor E. Frankyl
What’s your communication style? Are you pleased with it or do you have a bit of room to grow as well? If so, connect with me about my upcoming workshop, “Become An Effective Communicator By Understanding Communication Styles.”
