Meet my nemesis…
Last week, Dress for Success Southern Nevada held its 7th Annual Champagne Luncheon & Fashion Show. As the Chairman of the Board of Directors, I was tasked with giving a brief welcome speech.
What you can’t see in the video is the five years of hard work it took me to get on that stage. I‘ve spent almost my entire life terrified of public speaking. Not afraid. Terrified. At times the fear was debilitating.
Imagine you’re walking around underwater and everything sounds distorted. That was how I spent the first three years of my life. I wasn’t deaf, but I had chronic ear infections which affected my ability to hear. The good news is it was treatable. I had three minor surgeries which cumulatively fixed the problem. The bad news is because I couldn’t hear the first three years of my life, I had severe speech delays. I sounded funny when I talked and the only person who could understand me was my older sister. I would whisper in her ear and she’d translate my words for the world to hear. She became my voice.
While I was shy and introverted as a child, I was also determined, fiercely independent, and outspoken. People often assume when someone is outspoken, they love public speaking. Believe me, they are two very different things! I avoided public speaking like the endodontist.
In 2014, I attended the YPO International Women’s Conference and it changed my life. One of the speakers, Pam Sherman, talked about the importance of finding and using your voice. I realized for the first time that I hadn’t been using my voice throughout my entire life. I decided right then it was time to put my big girl panties on and face my biggest fear. When asked to chair the 2015 conference, my journey to find my voice officially began. I hadn’t just said yes to chairing the conference. I had said yes to public speaking and it terrified me. But I did it!
What you don’t see when you look at the picture of me above are my legs shaking so badly before they called my name that I wasn’t sure I could stand up. You don’t see the six public speaking workshops I attended (thank you Amy Ayoub!) over the last five years to learn how to translate my thoughts into words and present them in an interesting and relatable way. You don’t see the countless hours I spent practicing to muster up the courage to stand in front of 450 people (that was a first for me) and use my voice to help empower women in my community. Most importantly, you don’t see my tribe – my husband and kiddos included – who supported and encouraged me along the way.
I think Nelson Mandela sums it up best when he said, “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” I’m still working on conquering my fear of public speaking but the journey to find my voice and use it to help others has been a beautifully challenging, soul-enriching journey of personal growth and triumph.
